You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
