She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Randomize
