i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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