Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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