you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
