In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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