oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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