that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
