I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
