dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Randomize
