Midget sex pt 2 tonight
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize