So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
