Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
