I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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