I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You're like the curious george of whores
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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