I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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