Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
