your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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