In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Randomize
