Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
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