You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
