Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
