Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
