Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
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