My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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