Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
