i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
