like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
