did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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