return my video game
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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