if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
