Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
