i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
