I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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