I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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