Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
