Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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