omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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