At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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