hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
