Ambien. No doubt about it.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
