My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
