i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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