I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
