"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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