apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
