Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
