As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You may now shotgun with the bride
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
