I hope mine doesn't look like that
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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