I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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