I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
