his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
