i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
