Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
