just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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