Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Green mimosas i think yes
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
