Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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