We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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