dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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