...so i touched it.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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