I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
