i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
