"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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