This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
