he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
