I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize